


You and I

by noblet



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: A few weeks after the breach is closed, If you like dairy this is for you, Kissing, M/M, Not Married AU, Post Movie, first person POV, post drift
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-14
Updated: 2015-11-14
Packaged: 2018-05-01 13:41:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5207948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noblet/pseuds/noblet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I know I should stop thinking like a mathematician. I should stop analyzing you, trying to discover you and figure out as some type of experiment that I have yet to find the answer. I stop thinking completely.  It seems to be the right choice."</p>
            </blockquote>





	You and I

I can feel your gaze track me from across the room and I eye you with a look that drips heavily with repugnance and irritation. I grin as your eyes widen, flit back to whatever you were pretending to do before, lowering the music in your headphones down a notch hoping that I won't notice but I do. I always do. I know that you listen to music as a way to cope with the end of the world, and I have chosen not to judge you for it. I too seek a way to elude from our world, to enter and alternate universe where I am not so aggrieved and you so damaged. I wish for a way to escape from the ticking time bomb that is the rest of our lives as we know it. I see you run a hand through your messy hair, making it stick up higher than what I had previously thought as humanly possible. You make me rethink myself a lot. That never happened before we met. You bite your lips a few times, your eyes dart across the screen, and I look down at my own. I don't remember how long I've been sitting here at my desk. My legs are stiff and I don't dare move either of them. They throb dully as a precaution of the shooting pain I would receive if I were to stand, so I stay still, immobilized. I crack my knuckles. You look up. I want to say something but I don't dare open my mouth. You already know what I am thinking. I don't want to ruin the silence between us. It is thick like syrup and I want to pour it all over myself, descend into it and never swim back to the top. Float to the bottom and sink forever. Sleep forever. 

I can sleep when I'm dead. I stare at myself in my own computer screen that has grown dark from lack of activity. I see a man who is a little to tired, a little too old, a little too angry and disappointed in himself for everything he has done that has led to this. All of his actions were in vain. He wears glasses that are too big for him, hair that is too messy for him, owns a permanent sneer that he doesn't like but has accepted as a part of himself. I glare at him. He glares back.

When I look up, I see you. You look tired, just like me. You look a little too old, just like me. You look angry and disappointed, just like me. You're glasses are too big for you, your hair is to messy, you wear a permanent look of worry that doesn't fit you but you have tried on anyway. You glare at me, but in a curious way. I glare back in a way that is meant to be menacing.

We are alike in so many ways, you and I.

We are also different in so many ways. 

You are everything a man in your position shouldn't be. You are loud, rude, obnoxious. You make me recoil at your presence yet you are the only person I have seen in days. 

You told me I would warm up to you.

I haven't.

You told me that I would appreciate those tattoos of yours as art.

I won't.

After our victory you told me that I was the only person you have ever loved. 

I don't believe you.

We haven't saved the world quite yet. I know that everything in life that is good is too good to be true. They will come back. Mathematics doesn't lie. You of all people know that.

You ignored me when I told you this truth. You dismissed my statement, taking it from me and tossing it like a paper caught in the wind, lost forever until I dare to bring it up again. 

I hate you for that. We are equals. You are no less then I and I no less than you. 

I see you rise from your seat, stretch. Why do you look so sad? You never tell me. Tell me now. I know all of your secrets, what harm does one more cause?

You approach me, ignoring the line I have forbidden you to step over. You know I physically cannot do anything to stop whatever antics you intend to pursue. You know too much, as do I.

I grit my teeth, clutch the arms of my chair as I attempt to hoist myself up in preparation for some form of retort. My chair rolls away and the cane I despise clanks to the ground and creates a sound that is only loud in the absence of noise.

I look up at you desperately and this time you are the one grinning, not I. I watch as you bend over, pick it up and lean it next to you, keeping it from me. 

You pull at your collar and I eye you suspiciously. I want to grab you by the collar, tell you that I am tired of this back and forth. You know how I feel, so why are you going this? You come closer, leaving my cane behind and I sit on my desk, palms facedown and fingers curling over the edge. 

You come closer and closer until your face is right next to mine. I look down and your arms aren't as distasteful as I had once thought. Your eyes stare me down as our faces near even more. There is still time. Not for the world. But for this. 

It's a wordless exchange. 

I don't move away like I thought I would. I stay still. I don't know why but my heart races and my cheeks burn. They continue to race and burn, like tires screaming as they roll across cement. Your hands are warm when they cover mine on the desk. I know I should stop thinking like a mathematician, I should stop analyzing you, trying to discover you and figure out as some type of experiment that I have yet to find the answer. I stop thinking completely. It seems to be the right choice.

"Newton..." I finally say, and I sound out of breath. I didn't know I was holding it this whole time. 

"It's Newt." You grin, and I am too slow to react.

Your right hand goes from my atop hand to my cheek as you press your lips hard against mine.

Even though I have convinced myself that your name should bring nothing to my mind but utter contempt and irritation, I know you far too well, and I can't help but kiss back.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow after a long time of not posting any writing I can say with confidence that this is much better than what was previously posted on here.


End file.
